I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
