Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
