Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
