i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
