Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
