he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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