positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dick very happy bro
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
