did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
