she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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