Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
