and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
