I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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