There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
