I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
