loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
