Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet

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(208): View more from Idaho

THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT

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(585): View more from New York

i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW

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(586): View more from Michigan

Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward

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(301): View more from Maryland

woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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(714): View more from California

you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...

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(509): View more from Washington

I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.

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(407): View more from Florida

My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!

(917): View more from New York City

Bending dicks and egos since 2002

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