Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
