Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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