I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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