I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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