my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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