I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
