I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
