What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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