8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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