i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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