A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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