I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
