is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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