i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
