I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
