News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
