We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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