i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
