shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
