I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
