My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize