so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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