:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
