the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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