remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
