So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize