Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
