i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
