Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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