My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
