Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
