Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize