I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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