Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
