On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
