And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
