All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
