I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
