never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
