Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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