Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize