I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
