Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize