that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
