I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
