end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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