And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
