when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
