i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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