Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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