You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost the right to judge tonight
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
