so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
