I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
