omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize