fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
